Love Me Less...

What I fear are the days of loneliness…

Of uneasy silence and deep despair…

Days when I miss the tender caress…

Sweet kisses, the smell of your hair…

I have been loved… loved much too much…

Painted our dreams… quite far-fetched…

Their colours faded and I wonder such

Loss, why in my fate it ever was etched?

I seek true love… yet I fear to love as well…

The empty rooms and the empty bed…

Signs of the time you bid me farewell…

Passionate love… all too soon it fled…

So, my lovely stranger, to you I’ll belong…

If you’ll love me less, but love me for long…

Wondering Why?

She was passing through the jungle
Saw a spirit from a figure fly
A little child; her face was purple
Was it really her time to die?

With troubled heart she went on
Near a river she heard a cry
A young man; struggling to go on
hugged her and said, 'Goodbye!'

She looked around; no one was there
In an instant something came by
My daughter! My husband! O dear!
Everything fine. Her dream - a lie

Made her wonder why people die
Makes life important; is that why?

Memories Of The Happy Evenings Remembered

Evening sky looked down on her..
She sat waiting in the verandah..
Minu curling up on her lap..
And Jumbo sitting next to her...

It was just like any other day..
Only the picture stayed with me..
Even after all these years...

A day I would give away my today for..
A day I long to live again..

Simple moments, simple pleasures..
Happiness was easy to find..
A look, a touch, a pat on the head..
All it took for the heart to smile...

Crooked are the ways of the world today..
I've learned few tricks myself too..
And though they help to get me high..
The fall breaks my spirit away...

I've grown cold and few years old..
And coldness is freezing my soul..
Let me in to my past and bless me..
with the warmth of my yesterday...


(Note: Minu and Jumbo refer to pets, a cat and a dog respectively)

If Only You Were Here...

If only you were here..
Things would have been better..
Feelings and emotions less..
miserly shown..
The book of his life more
frequently read...

If only you were here..
Things would have been better..
The strength and will less..
often broken..
The pages of his life more..
colourfully done...

If only you were here..
Things would have been better..
Words and expressions less..
coldly received..
The writings of her life more..
religiously followed...

If only you were here..
Things would have been better..
Confusions and doubts less..
generously visited..
The letters of my life more..
clearly seen...

If only you were here..
Things would have been better..
Comfort and stability less..
rarely found..
The days of our lives more..
happily spent...

If only you were here..
If only...

Don't Take My Memories Away!

Take away everything from me..
but let the memories live in me...
I'm nothing without what I know and feel..
nothing without the memories...

It hurts sometimes,
when it comes uninvited..
but still I'll trade everything
to keep them with me...

All the days gone by..
All that I have left behind..
All those who left me behind..
They are all there..
still living and breathing..
in those memories...

The past may not be the best company..
but they get me through my today..
Take everything away from me..
but don't take my memories away...

लौट आएँगी बहारें

जब तक न कोई आगे बढ़े
चलते नहीं कदम हमारे
जब तक न कोई आवाज़ दे
गूंजते नहीं कही से नारे

गिर जाए गर राह में कोई
हो जाते है सभी किनारे
थी वो कौन सी दुनिया जहाँ
मिल जाते थे कभी सहारे?

दिल भी अब दिखावा ही समझे
समझे न ये प्यार के इशारे
अधूरा वक़्त है, अधूरे एहसास
रिश्तों को कैसे कोई सवारे?

है उम्मीद फिर भी कही न कही
लौट आएँगी फिर से बहारें
जब मन ही मन ये दुनिया सारी
उस रूठे मौसम को पुकारे

फ़रमान (a tribute to doordarshan series)

रखी थी कभी कही पे हमने..
अपने बचपन की यादों की नींव..
सुन्ना-सुनाना उस नीम के छाव में..
कुछ कहनियाँ, कुछ किस्से अजीब...

बेख़बर, बेपरवाह थे हम लोग
करते थे सारे जहाँ की बातें
वो मालगुड़ी के गलियों में खेलना
वो पचपन खम्बे, लाल दीवारें

नजाने क्यूँ आज यूही बैठे-बैठे..
भर रहा है दिल यादों की उड़ान..
शायद कही किसी गली-नुक्कड़ में..
छोड़ आया हुं मैं अपनी पहचान...

लगता था मिलेंगे कभी सपनों की..
ज़मीन और हक़ीक़त का आसमाँ..
है ख़बर की वो क्षितिज ये नहीं..
अभी है बाक़ी और भी इम्तिहाँ...

महसूस...

कई बार किया है महसूस हमने..
इस दिल का हर दर्द सह जाना..
कई ख़्वाबों का सिकुड़ जाना और..
खुशी का आते-आते रह जाना...

सोचना की शायद मुमकिन है सब कुछ
और बस सोचते ही रह जाना...
जिनके सहारे कभी चले थे मीलों
उन हाथों को खोजते ही रह जाना...

बरसों का सफर कुछ लम्हों में तय करना
कभी वक़्त का यूँ गुजर जाना
लगा था मिट चुका है जिसका निशाँ
उस चहरे का यूँ नज़र आना

था यकीन की भर गए है ज़ख्म मगर
उन यादों का दस्तक दे जाना...
टूटे ख़्वाबों के शाखों से खेलना और
तन्हाई में गिर के बह जाना

हाँ, किया है महसूस कई बार हमने
एक उम्र का पल में मर जाना
न दूर रहना, न साथ होना किसी का
ख़ुद ही को यूँ तन्हा कर जाना

MY THOUGHTS... MY LIFE...

my thoughts are troubled

my thoughts are weary

my thoughts sometimes get the better of me

It's not that I'm not 

used to being alone

sometimes it gets just too lonely

Most days I'm not alone 

Most days anyone's ever gone

But some days I wake up alone

With a voice that's never gone

Some days I'm doing fine alone

Doesn't matter who's home or gone

But when the night finds me all alone

My thoughts tell me they are never gone

When even in a crowd I feel alone

What difference it makes who's there or gone?

Finding strength in numbers alone

A comfort that goes when the numbers' gone

my life is good

my life is blessed

my life knows just what to expect of me

It's not that I'm not 

thankful enough but

sometimes it gets just too crappy

Most days I'm doing fine

Most days I'm standing in a line

But some days I pay a heavy fine

When life throws me out of line

Some days I act and say I'm fine

Even when I don't mean the line

Why bother when things are going fine

And say things which may cross the line?

So, I wear a mask so thin and fine

Can hardly see any crack or line

Just a pretense is how I would define

My life that's nothing more than an outline

A LONG DAY

Morning had come and gone

I wondered, what went wrong?

You never called me up

Did you already had enough?

I drank some coffee and read

what all the newspaper said

But my mind just wandered

To hear your voice, I hungered

I checked my time and checked my phone

Then I sat down and waited like a stone

For the drops of happiness to rain down on me

Oh! Just how the sight of you makes me so happy!

I woke up disappointed from my day-dream

I was as alone and as miserable as I had been

No sign of you; no sign from you

Missed you so bad I didn't know what to do

The dinner was great last night

Everything had felt so right

I had made my intentions clear to you

How deeply and madly I loved you

You said, you really cared for me

You needed some time to think and see

For it seemed to you, very sudden

It's gonna be two years by June end

I could sense your heart was troubled

Just ask your heart, it's that simple!

You said you'd call me in the morning

Spend the night thinking and pondering

Morning went by real slow

What's on your mind, I still didn't know

As the day drew its curtains

My heart would sink, I felt so certain

Before the lights lit up the streets

I felt my heart skip a beat

When the ringing sound reached my ears

I didn't know if I should dance or breakdown in tears

There you were smiling, standing at the door

And I knew I couldn't have asked for more

I let you in and Time had spun

our lives together; our journey had begun

ASSURANCE

Weak-limbed thoughts...

Tired out dreams...

Strained visions...

Hazy roads...

I stop

and

rest

Quick-footed world...

Fast love and the

Swift lovers...

Wasted...

I stop

and

wait

Someday it'll all be fine...

Dreams well-lived...

Things clear and 

Love found...

I cling

on to

faith

DESPERATION

If there ever was a moment

where everything in life

ceases to hold any kind of meaning at all

then this moment right now seems like it...

So desperate to live a real life...

So hungry to let happiness 

run through my veins and drown me in its ecstasy...

So wanting to be loved and to love...

Such desperation meets

the never-ending vacuum of a life I'm leading...

Just surviving by breathing in and breathing out...

As mechanical a man that you could find...

As empty and as lonely as possible...

It's just nothingness that greets me and meets me...

AN AFTERNOON RAIN

There's only the sound of the rain falling on the ground...

and the thunder roaring once in a while...

Hidden and safe in the comfort of my room,

I mockingly observe the world outside...

Little children dragged by their running parents

to a bus-stop or some shelter nearby...

Men running about like some drops of rain themselves,

holding their bags or newspapers or plastic bags

to shield them from getting wet in the rain...

Yet getting all soaking wet, nonetheless...

Women walking fast, tip-toeing in the rain...

covering their heads with their hands...

Serious-faced if walking alone

and giggling away if a bunch...

All the while every inanimate

and immobile living creatures

soak themselves in the rain drops...

by choice and 'out' of choice...

The benches get wet all through

in the game the rain drops play...

Each one of them vying for a dry spot

left on the benches,

till they turn wet from dry...

The leaves and the grasses, swaying

to the beats of the tiny drops of rain...

While the grasses have two left feet,

the leaves show them just how to dance...

Suddenly my smile disappeared from my face...

Wishing to get out and about

my heart didn't want to be 'hidden and safe' anymore

instead participate in the dance of the nature

and its many wonders...

A Morning Dream...

Slept through the day, the evening and the night...
And everything in between just a delirium...
The clouds had filled the whole wide sky...
Everything around had lost its equilibrium...

Slowly as the darkness engulfed the world...
My thoughts travelled through the past lane...
Random anecdotes, stories and moments...
A whirlwind of emotions - sane and insane...

Lying on Her laps, I broke down in tears...
Mourning the lost paradise I could not keep...
The ground beneath my mother's feet...
She eased my pain and lulled me to sleep....

Standing in the middle of nowhere, I shouted..
'Please wake me up and take me home...'
Jumbo and Ruby came running towards me...
Wagging their tails, barking at me to come...

Sitting next to the fire, Pupu smiled at me..
We drank some tea and ate some puris
'Even if it isn't real, I'm glad to meet you', I said...
He said, 'It's as real as your heart feels it is.'

I looked up and realised he had already gone...
Someone entered the room just then...
'Eechak daana..' Bobok came, singing a song...
I joined her along, clapping my hand...

A blinding light forced me to close my eyes...
Then I woke up to a clear new morning...
Peeping through the white clouds down on me...
Like a gem, the sun rays were sparkling...

I felt my soul was as new as the morning...
My heart cleansed and pure and free...
They cured and consoled me even in a dream...
And I knew I was born again to me..











(Note: Pupu means Grandfather and Bobok means Grandmother in Manipuri/Meitei)

Fantasy!

Fantasy...

Vague beauty...

Where do you take me?

A STORY OF LOVE

A minute I smiled...
A minute I lived...
A minute ago love was...

Still I see the form...
Still I see the light...
Still with me my love is...

A heart was broken...
A heart was dying...
A heart that was her's...

Where she lives...
Where she breathes...
Where she is... is in me...

For a while is life... my love forever is...

A SINGLE CHANCE?

The target was set...
The goal was clear...
But the aim went wrong...

Trials and errors...
That's how we learn to grow in life...
But what if there's only a single chance?

The thought was thought...
The intention was pure...
But the words went wrong...

Mistakes and goof-ups...
That's how we learn to improve in life...
But what if there's only a single chance?

He played by the rules...
He set a perfect plan...
But the outcome went wrong...

How do I tell him?
That’s how it sometimes is in life...
But what if he had only a single chance?

Sometimes what we wish for
And what we really get...
The people we want to know
And the ones we’ve met...
Are not really the same...

And there in lies the irony of it all...
Trying to catch something too big,
With something too small...

HEADACHE!

A constant throbbing!
Anxiety or is it just lack of sleep?

Hearing out thoughts...
or are they just voices in my head?

Still a sane person..
or is it a confession of an insane being?

Routine makes for a habit...
or has routine become a habit?

If at all it could be obvious...
but the obvious never reveals itself...

So, I'll just call this a 'headache'...
or is this the outcome of a headache?

FEELS LIKE HOME

Hidden behind the curtains...

Underneath the fresh paint on the walls...

Beneath the carpet floors...

Lies the world of which I now only have a memory of.

Some old frames hanging...

Some scribblings on the furniture...

Some cracks in the walls...

Reminders of the world of which I once was a part of.

As I re-visited my past... with hope to see not all is changed...

and fear that it may have...

I find my fears coming alive and mocking at me...

But as I settled down... coping and dealing with things...

some old and mostly new...

I find nothing much had changed in its essence...

Like the dust that shines in the beam of the sunlight through the window....

I find the remains of the world I left behind... sparkling bright...

through the light of things unchanged and unaffected by time...

I now feel at home... again...

AN ODE TO AN AVID EDITOR'S LOVE

I jumped from one shot to the other...
You put some smooth transitions in between them.

I observed it was too dark...
You put colour effect on it.

I complained green wasn't my colour...
You changed the hue for me.

I sat for long and just kept silent and sad...
You trimmed those moments for me.

I felt everything was moving too fast...
You slowed the motion for me.

I sulked at the sight of few people..
You replaced their shots with new.

I feared I would forget it all...
You pressed ctrl+s and rendered them all for me.

I wished I could live this moment again...
You sent the moment to playback for me.

I hoped we'd always be together...
You archived us and stored us for me.

I never said it nor did you... but we knew...
We loved each other so true...


*Dedicated to video editing... one of the things I really enjoyed doing in life... and perhaps we'll do in future too!

WITH YOU... WITHOUT YOU...

Just trying to remember... where it all began...
trying to remember where I let go...
trying to remember where you let go...

Just trying to figure out... where do I stand now...
trying to figure out if I can still feel the same...
trying to figure out if you are no more with me now...

Just trying to sort it out... where are the pieces of me..
trying to trace all that I left behind somewhere...
trying to trace all that could have been done...

Is it okay to feel it's okay when you are not?
Is it okay to sometimes fear losing all that you hold dear?
Is it okay to feel maybe it may not last at all?
Is it okay if I feel I still love you... even if you are no more?

I hope it's okay... to miss you... to cry a while sometimes..
I hope it's okay... to wish you were here... to be mad at you sometimes...

I wonder if it could be the same all over again..
I get back to my life and you are blessed eternally...

Is it wisdom or is it failure to understand life, when I dream of living a life I lived with you without your presence in it?

Is it how it is suppose to be? To move on yet carry some part of me that was in you.. those parts that made me, ME...

Is it how it is meant to be? To walk ahead.. to look back.. to still hope and love... to still believe..to still live...

A BONFIRE AND SOME NEW FRIENDS...

The silence was all dominating,
but words did find their way...
A bonfire, a starry night,
and friends having their say

Some memories woven,
some friendship formed...
Time may soon erase from our minds
the places that we roamed...

But in our hearts of hearts we know,
a moment well-lived is a moment forever...
Through time and distance, somehow
we know we'll always be together

Chalo Utho... (Get Going Now..)

Chalo utho, subah hui... Raat kab ki so chuki..
Sapnon ke dayre se nikal.. ankhen teri der talak ro chuki..
Kuch zimmedariya hain, kuch majbooriya bhi..
Khushiyon ke lamhe kayi, teri zindagi shayad kho chuki..

Ab bas daud chal.. aage baddh.. mudd ke na dekh tu piche
Jo reh gaya wo kho gaya... lamhon ko kyun tu khiche?
Kuch nakaamiya hain, kuch pareshaniya bhi..
Banzar hai yaadon ki zameen... sapne inme phir kyun tu siche?

Socha tune kuch aur tha par jo hai mila woh bhi to hai naseeb
Bikhri hui ikchchhaye ye mann ki, samet le apne kareeb
Kuch nadaniya hain, kuch bechainiya bhi..
Hai chahat kitni... par har pal tu ho raha hai samay se gareeb

Chala tha akela tu ghar se.. humsafar raah mein milte rahe
Ruthe kayi, bichchde kayi.. dard har raah mein badhte rahe
Kuch barbadiya hain, kuch aabadiya bhi..
Hai jeevan yahi.. chott bhi hass kar, raah mein silte rahe

Hai saans baaki, hai aas baaki, to rakh tu khud par bharosa
Chala chal aage, le kar tu apni kismet ka hosla

Happiness And Sorrow

We are not the same.
We have different names.

You are Happiness and I am Sorrow.
If you'll visit today, I'll come tomorrow.

You work your way out of miseries.
I deal in building sad memories.

You know how to shake a leg or two.
I tend to always have the blues.

You never run out of company.
I always tend to be lonely.

You spread laughter all around.
I live in silence without a sound.

But we are the banks of the same river.
Far apart, but facing each other.

Incomplete any life would be
Without a dose of you and a tinge of me.

We bring alive life's true essence.
When we are together it makes complete sense.

An Appeal

I have been meaning to speak to you.
Please come and have a seat.

I have been thinking a lot these days.
Look at me, please! This is serious.

I know things have not been going well.
I have not really been good to you.

I should never have let others get to me,
and vent out my anger on you.

You have always been patient with me
and bore my constant mood swings.

I hope you do know that
I have tried my best to keep you happy
and make sure you were never ignored.

Somehow the moments you churned out
revealed a different side of me.

Each happy moment you saw me exulted
and in my happiness forgot to offer
my gratitude to you.

And during the sad times
I cursed and abused you and held you responsible
for everything wrong that was done to me.

I take this moment now to reconcile,
to start afresh this relationship.

Please hold my hand and guide me,
teach me, lead me, surprise me
and take me through all your moments.

I promise this time it will be different.
Dear Life, be my friend again...