THE LAST ATTEMPT

I have a dream
It's just like any other dream
It makes me smile when I think of it
It makes me hopeful of tomorrow

I have a dream
It's taking its shape at this moment
It fills me up with joy as it comes nearer
It fills me up every day

I had a dream
It was beginning to blossom in winter
It was doomed to wither away
It was never meant to be

I am still living
I held on and clung on to my life
At least what was left of it
It is how life is lived!

I am still breathing
Every day, every moment I die more
I see so much in me falling apart
I see myself losing in you

I need to feel alive again
I need to have my life again
Before I lose what is left of me
Before I forget how to live again

This may be goodbye
This may be the end
I can't say for now what lies ahead
But need to find the me inside
before I end up being alive but just dead inside

This is my chance...
This is my choice...

दोपहर ... Afternoon Walk..

कुछ देर धूप जलती रही...
कुछ देर छाव छुपती रही....
कुछ देर हम चलते रहे और
कुछ देर खामोशियाँ चुभती रही...

कुछ ख़्वाब हम बुनने लगे...
कुछ ख़्वाब हम चुनने लगे...
कुछ ख़्वाब तनहा रह गए और
कुछ ख़्वाब युही गुनगुनाने लगे...

कुछ तो हुआ था शायद...
कुछ तो मिटी थी सरहद...
कुछ तो बेख़बर थे हम और
कुछ तो खुशियाँ थी दिल में बेहद...

कुछ यादें धुंधला गई है...
कुछ यादें बहला गई है...
कुछ यादें रूठे से है और
कुछ यादें हमें रूला गई है...

कुछ देर तक हम साथ चले...
कुछ देर तक शाम ना धले...
कुछ देर तक हम फिर मिले और
कुछ देर तक लगे ज़िन्दगी गले...



* This is dedicated to the afternoon walks I took together with a friend...

The Voice Inside Of Me!

You know the words...
You know the lines...
All these efforts but
nothing really rhymes...

You know the beats...
You know the rhythm...
But making music
too cumbersome...

You know the colours...
You know the paints...
When you wield the brush
the ideas just faint...

You know the dreams...
You know the reality...
But at crucial stage
they lose their clarity...

Sitting one afternoon...
Writing in the heat...
Weighing your life
and its heartbeat...

The pulse is still there...
The blood still flowing...
You now had to figure
where you are going...

You had been travelling...
Coming and going...
Living out of a bag...
The closet's wondering...

The dust has settled
on things left behind:
Dreams on the pillow,
and friends hard to find

Knowing you had to come
pick the pieces up...
Find a thread or a string
and line them all up...

The moments you gathered...
Triumphs and mistakes...
Reevaluating them all...
Putting so much at stake...

Stirring up the past...
Decoding your self...
Taking all the chances..
Coming out of the shelf...

Still there are struggles...
Journey never ends...
You jump off the edge
and hope it all mends...

What you never risked
you will never get...
Count all your stars
before you forget...

Freedom is never free...
There's always a price...
Empty your pockets
Roll out the dice...

Say a little prayer...
Hope for the best...
When you give it all up...
You don't care for the rest

Take a chance with the one
that's filling up your senses...
Heart wants what it wants...
Drop all your defenses...

Everything happens for good...
The good and the bad...
When you risk it all...
Nothing better than that...

In the state of vulnerability
You're the strongest you can...
For He will hold you close
If betrayed by mortal men...

That's how you learn and grow...
Find the person you are...
Every struggle worthwhile...
The wounds and the scars...

Words echo in your head...
Emotions pump your heart...
But you are as confused
as you were at the start...

So, I hope the night
will do you some good...
Follow all my advice
and do what you should...

I wish I had stayed…

Little moments I searched and dug up from every corner of my mind…
Some were stupid… some silly and some really fine…

They all had to say… they all had to show…
What I wanted never to know… now

Crawling under my own skin… finding ways to hide myself…
Acting crazy and out of my mind… never needed any help… to be me... around you…
I remember every thing… and I remember I’m gonna forget everything…
What do I do? What should we do to come undone?

I know, I know, I know…
I should have stayed…
I know, I know, I know…
I wish I had stayed…
In your arms, by the fire

I wish I had stayed…
Lost in your embrace
I wish I had stayed…
Nothing left to desire
I wish I had stayed…
Staring at your face

There I go running again… finding my piece of heaven…
I scream and shout… and I doubt… if you will be… forever with me…
I am losing you… losing all your memories… from the first to the last…
What can I do? How do I hold on to you love?

I know, I know, I know…
I should have stayed…
I know, I know, I know…
I wish I had stayed…
In your arms, by the fire

I wish I had stayed…
Lost in your embrace
I wish I had stayed…
Nothing left to desire
I wish I had stayed…
Staring at your face

Oh! The night… nothing romantic… nothing cliché…

Just odd surprise… u and me and the beach house…

You asked me, ‘If I could stay’ but I ran away…

Oh! How I wish I had stayed…

Kissed you and held you in my arms…

I wish I had stayed….


[I wrote this after watching 'The Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind' starring Jim Carrey and Kate Winslet few months back]

Not The Same Anymore

Don't wake me up when you go
Just a little longer let me dream

Love - as it is - hardly last enough
and now that I have found it,
I don't wanna let go... so easily...

I need to extract every bit of it...
I need to cherish every lasting moment..

I will keep on breathing, taking in all the fragrance of love
that still fills the room...
and when it's time to let go,
I know I will cease to live....

With you, I was alive...
Without you, I will only exist...
devoid of every desire, every essence, every freshness that life could ever offer...

But I loved you knowing one day you will leave me...

What's love without any risk at all?

I gambled with fate.

I lost.

But I can see...

Even you are not the same anymore!

Another Day

another day of the rain
another day of cold shoulders
another day of pretense

love was falling out of us like the drops outside

another day of pain
another day of doubts
another day of silence

no sweet nothings just the sound of the rain outside

another end to a day
another night to spent away
another dream gone astray

and like our love the rain too has ceased to fall outside

A Picture

The edges battered and worn out... the colours faded and smeared...
the sharpness gone... the vision blurred...
the thoughts disappeared… the words all spoken and lost…
have all you want but miss what you need the most…
how did you think it would all turn out to be?
Are the figures right or are you failing to see?

The life that you are living is but already dead inside...
you are just a shadow running from the sunlight...
all that is left of you is a picture of you in the past...
holding on to something that will never last..

Where to find the answers, from where the questions arise?
each moment a shock... each moment a surprise..

always discarded but never a waste... the beauty of things missed in a haste..
lying in a corner... somewhere among the self-help books in the shelf..
the pieces of me... muted spectators... crying for some selfless help..

pick me up, wipe the dust off... read me and live me
things change and people do too... so breathe me, believe me..
let the start be the beginning... let the flow be the living

come be what you are...

moving forward, walking straight... racing to the road ahead…
the journey takes its toll... on the light feathered dreams... your eyes spun..
the demons come calling way before the celebrations begun

wake me up, open my eyes... see me and live me
nothing comes easy in life... so fill me, relieve me
let the journey be the lesson, let the strength be giving

come be what you are…

falling ... crawling... dragging your feet... reaching for the sun and the stars..
choosing… searching... the best of you in the best of times by far
learning to heal... learning to move on... leaving behind the scars

hold me up, stand by me... trust me and live me
second chances - hard to find... but such love you give me
let the trust be the mission, let the faith all consuming

come be what you are...

The Truth

I drew a line and walked along with my life…
Only to reach from where I had once begun…
The struggles that I faced and all the strife…
A meaningless endeavour for God’s fun…

Success and failure are old time friends…
One rarely comes, other often drops by…
Emotion makes sense only when it ends…
My heart’s cold and rigid, don’t ask why…

Even the best in me slowly turns worse…
Benjamin had it better, ageing backwards…
I seem to pass through hope to remorse…
Losing on the way my faith and its rewards…

The yardstick of my life: the words within me….
Consumed selfishly before anyone could see…

आधे-अधूरे हम...

आधे-अधूरे रास्तों का सफर...
आधे-अधूरे सपनों का सफर...
है आधे-अधूरे रिश्तें और
कुछ अधूरे हसरतों का सफर...

निकले तो थे तलाश में लेकिन
लौट आए मंज़िल से पहले हम...

एक आधी-अधूरी ज़िन्दगी मेरी
और एक आधे-अधूरे से हम...

थी एक ख्वाहिश दिल में कही...
मिले मुकम्मल ज़िन्दगी कभी...
पर लगता है हो गई है मुझे
आदत एक अधूरी ज़िन्दगी की...

जी रहे है बेवजह सी लेकिन
ना गिला है ना कोई ग़म...

एक आधी-अधूरी ज़िन्दगी मेरी
और एक आधे-अधूरे से हम....

Saahas

निर्बल मैं... बेबस मैं...
करती नहीं कुछ... कहती नही कुछ...
एक चुप की चादर ओढ़ ली है मैंने...

सहमी मैं... डरी मैं...
अंधेरों में... सन्नाटों में...
आसू से आंखें धो ली है मैंने...

अनजान मैं... बेजान मैं...
कहानियाँ बुनती... सपनों को चुनती...
जादू की पोटली खोल ली है मैंने...

हस्ती मैं... खिलती मैं...
खिड़कियों से... झरोखों से...
एक लहर खुशी की छू ली है मैंने...

निर्भय मैं... निडर मैं...
ठानी है अब... बदलेगा सब...
अपनी ही ज़िन्दगी कब जी है मैंने?


Note:
I wrote this after watching the film, ‘Heaven On Earth’ by Deepa Mehta starring Preity Zinta

Read about the movie, check pics and trailer

Rishtey

Hai aangan mein bikhre pade sab rishtey
Kuch roothey, kuch tute se rishtey
Thi jo kabhi haste – khilkhilate se, hai ab
Uljhano mein uljhe se rishtey

Woh bin mausam ke barish mein bheegna
Woh natkhat boondon se rishtey
Woh raat ka baaton mein subah ho jaana
Woh chanchal kirnon se rishtey

Woh baithe bithaye khwaabon ka bunna
Woh sehmi ummeedon se rishtey
Woh bhoole huwe saazon ko chhedna
Woh bewaqt naghmon se rishtey

Woh raaton ko yuhi chal padna kahi
Woh anjane rahon se rishtey
Woh likhna kaagaz par apni zindagi
Woh haath ki lakeeron se rishtey

Kai baar humne uthaye hai lekin
Haathon se phisalte hai rishtey
Thak gaye hai dohrakar lekin
Na humse sambhalte hai rishtey

Phir bhi humse kyun milte hai rishtey?

SOME LOVE LASTS JUST TOO LONG...

You made your point clear…

I packed my things and left…

You said this was the end…

Nothing was left to be said…

I walked out the door…

Walked out of your life…

I thought to stop and turn…

It was only a thought…

Days piled up together…

Past remained buried…

Nothing to remember…

Work eased the pain…

One game to another…

One event to the next…

One presentation over…

The other on its way…

It was over and out…

I had not a doubt…

It took a song to remind…

I was so in love…

Memories were just lying…

Needed a scratch or two…

The singer crooning away…

‘I knew I loved you…’

Your face and your eyes…

Your lips and your touch…

The tears and goodbyes…

It came back to me again….

No matter how long ago…

Some heart never mends…

No matter when you let go…

Some love never ends…

KNOWING YOU, KNOWING ME

You love someone or you don’t love someone, heartbreak is on its way

Even when you are denied what you want, life has a way of making you stay

You complain about or shout aloud, reasons are wasted afterthoughts

What has been said or done to death and gone, the things you ought

To have missed or hit, turn back and look at your pity self once again

Before you can decide your own fate, life will leave you behind its pain

You took a break and shook your head, in a state of worldly wise wisdom

Where you landed, where you feel stuck, is once again the forsaken kingdom

You made promises or heard them uttered by some distant voices so near

The enemy far away who resides in you knows exactly whom or what you fear

You dug your own grave, garlanded your own photograph, shed a tear too

It was your funeral, your final goodbye, but you were already out of you

So cheers to you for living a life like an audience sitting through a film

The reels rolled by and reached the end; you were stuck in your own realm

Spectator of your own life, tell me if you saw what you really were inside

Were the lies white or the truth black? From you could you ever hide?

Did life did justice or did it cheat on you and left you feeling lonely and sad?

Or you knew all the ‘right’ ways but just chose to live ‘wrong’ and bad

Is there a way for me to conclude in just few simple sentences or chapters?

Or do you think your life will need a 1000 paged-book, fact-of-the-matter?

You lead your life in such a way; unwritten, unscripted thoughts and emotions

Just passed through its moments of rhythm with deep yet careless devotion

When I put my pen to paper no single word or image takes form at all

I’m just in the moment and the moment seem to last forever long

You conquer me within and I know, it’s you I long for and to whom I belong

A Prayer...

The morning dew smiles on the fresh green leaves...

A hope of a beautiful day is born...

Unaware and ignorant of their fate...

the drops dance around merrily...

As the sun appears on the horizon...

seeking the hidden with its rays...

The dew drops glitter and sparkle...

rejoicing in their magnificence...

The warmth of the sun melts them...

Soon they all disappear and die...

Sitting on my bed and looking out the window...

I watched the dance and the death...

of the once glittering morning dew...

I heard a silent prayer whispered deep in my heart...

Whether I live long or die young...

Let my life fulfil its destiny...

Let it shine and sparkle...

and dance in its magnificence...

Let it breathe and take it all in...

Let it become all that it can...

and when it touch the brilliance...

let it live no second longer...

Let it disappear and die...

like the dew drops in the morning...

Unseen by most... witnessed by few...

Like the way I saw them today...

someone will think of me and miss me...

and appreciate my life for what it was...

IF I WAS BLIND...

I see more of you every day...

Every other day, I find something new in you...
I see who you are...
I can sense what you are all about...

Every other day I feel connected to you...
I get drawn to you...
I can sense I'm getting closer to you...

Every other day I keep thinking about you...
I fear losing you...
I can sense I pray more for you...

Would I still discover who you are
and sense what you are all about?

Would I still feel connected to you
and get drawn to what you are?

Would I still think and wonder about you
and fear losing you?

Sometimes I wonder...
if I would really 'see' you for what you are...
if I was Blind...

LOVE ME, NONETHELESS...

I say I’m not lying… but I’m not being honest enough…

I know you have questions… but I can’t reveal the answers as well…

Would you trust me, and just love me, nonetheless?

There are corners of my heart, where only I wander about sometimes…

There are thoughts in my mind, only I can wonder about sometimes…

Can I have a little corner to myself?

Can you trust me that it’s nothing bad or dangerous?

Can you accept me just the same and still love me nonetheless?

It’s not easy when there are doubts…

It’s much more difficult when they start taking shapes of certainty…

But if you just let it be… you’ll know I’m just not really all that different…

I’m just the same as I was before…

I’m still the same…

Please say you still love me… and let me be…

Please say nothing has changed at all… and nothing will ever be…

LOST MY KEY!

Started the day as usual...
went through the highs and the lows...

Nothing seemed wrong or out of place...
Nothing extra-ordinary or remarkable!

Sometimes I laughed my heart out...
Nothing escaped at other times...

The night threw its blanket on me....
and I began my journey back home...

I thought it had been just another day...
till I realised what became of me...

Just a shadow... just a shape...
moving through time and space...

My life was happy and full of joy...
I could see it through the window...

But I was standing outside the door...
Locked myself out and lost the key...

CAN'T START ALL OVER AGAIN...

Get to know each other... go through the trial..
build a rapport... then perhaps go wild...
or keep on discovering.. all that needs to be known...
how do I keep up with every other beginnings?

Always the promise of something better...
or simply something good enough...
Always the chase through the maze..
or losing the pace in the race...

How do I say honestly how honest I'm being
when I say I know it all too well...
You'll hardly last a moment!

I can read the signs and interpret your mind...
do me a favour, will you please?

Take the same route back to where you began...
'coz this chase now ends here...

I'm tired of all the beginnings and being left
in the middle of nowhere all the time...

Someone please take my hand from where I stand...
and walk with me to wherever is the end...

I just can't start all over again...