LOVE ME, NONETHELESS...

I say I’m not lying… but I’m not being honest enough…

I know you have questions… but I can’t reveal the answers as well…

Would you trust me, and just love me, nonetheless?

There are corners of my heart, where only I wander about sometimes…

There are thoughts in my mind, only I can wonder about sometimes…

Can I have a little corner to myself?

Can you trust me that it’s nothing bad or dangerous?

Can you accept me just the same and still love me nonetheless?

It’s not easy when there are doubts…

It’s much more difficult when they start taking shapes of certainty…

But if you just let it be… you’ll know I’m just not really all that different…

I’m just the same as I was before…

I’m still the same…

Please say you still love me… and let me be…

Please say nothing has changed at all… and nothing will ever be…

LOST MY KEY!

Started the day as usual...
went through the highs and the lows...

Nothing seemed wrong or out of place...
Nothing extra-ordinary or remarkable!

Sometimes I laughed my heart out...
Nothing escaped at other times...

The night threw its blanket on me....
and I began my journey back home...

I thought it had been just another day...
till I realised what became of me...

Just a shadow... just a shape...
moving through time and space...

My life was happy and full of joy...
I could see it through the window...

But I was standing outside the door...
Locked myself out and lost the key...

CAN'T START ALL OVER AGAIN...

Get to know each other... go through the trial..
build a rapport... then perhaps go wild...
or keep on discovering.. all that needs to be known...
how do I keep up with every other beginnings?

Always the promise of something better...
or simply something good enough...
Always the chase through the maze..
or losing the pace in the race...

How do I say honestly how honest I'm being
when I say I know it all too well...
You'll hardly last a moment!

I can read the signs and interpret your mind...
do me a favour, will you please?

Take the same route back to where you began...
'coz this chase now ends here...

I'm tired of all the beginnings and being left
in the middle of nowhere all the time...

Someone please take my hand from where I stand...
and walk with me to wherever is the end...

I just can't start all over again...

STARS (BEFORE SUNRISE)

Star-gazing… looking at the white dots in the night sky…

Guessing the spots where we’d stand in the future…

Realising in between conversations the time flying by…

Closing in on the goodbyes… the memories we’ll nurture…

Sharing a part of us… sharing all that we really are…

Insecurities, idiosyncrasies and secrets of the heart…

Sweet smiles, tender touch… and the frequent stares…

Rationalities and fantasies are never too far apart…

We walked the roads… roamed the streets of Paris…

A graveyard, a fountain, a ferry and a midnight bar…

A stroll by the river… a park of red wine and bliss…

A night to remember… whether we live near or far…

The magic of the moments… the spaces in between…

Our love binds us together… in ways seen and unseen…

Love Me Less...

What I fear are the days of loneliness…

Of uneasy silence and deep despair…

Days when I miss the tender caress…

Sweet kisses, the smell of your hair…

I have been loved… loved much too much…

Painted our dreams… quite far-fetched…

Their colours faded and I wonder such

Loss, why in my fate it ever was etched?

I seek true love… yet I fear to love as well…

The empty rooms and the empty bed…

Signs of the time you bid me farewell…

Passionate love… all too soon it fled…

So, my lovely stranger, to you I’ll belong…

If you’ll love me less, but love me for long…

Wondering Why?

She was passing through the jungle
Saw a spirit from a figure fly
A little child; her face was purple
Was it really her time to die?

With troubled heart she went on
Near a river she heard a cry
A young man; struggling to go on
hugged her and said, 'Goodbye!'

She looked around; no one was there
In an instant something came by
My daughter! My husband! O dear!
Everything fine. Her dream - a lie

Made her wonder why people die
Makes life important; is that why?

Memories Of The Happy Evenings Remembered

Evening sky looked down on her..
She sat waiting in the verandah..
Minu curling up on her lap..
And Jumbo sitting next to her...

It was just like any other day..
Only the picture stayed with me..
Even after all these years...

A day I would give away my today for..
A day I long to live again..

Simple moments, simple pleasures..
Happiness was easy to find..
A look, a touch, a pat on the head..
All it took for the heart to smile...

Crooked are the ways of the world today..
I've learned few tricks myself too..
And though they help to get me high..
The fall breaks my spirit away...

I've grown cold and few years old..
And coldness is freezing my soul..
Let me in to my past and bless me..
with the warmth of my yesterday...


(Note: Minu and Jumbo refer to pets, a cat and a dog respectively)

If Only You Were Here...

If only you were here..
Things would have been better..
Feelings and emotions less..
miserly shown..
The book of his life more
frequently read...

If only you were here..
Things would have been better..
The strength and will less..
often broken..
The pages of his life more..
colourfully done...

If only you were here..
Things would have been better..
Words and expressions less..
coldly received..
The writings of her life more..
religiously followed...

If only you were here..
Things would have been better..
Confusions and doubts less..
generously visited..
The letters of my life more..
clearly seen...

If only you were here..
Things would have been better..
Comfort and stability less..
rarely found..
The days of our lives more..
happily spent...

If only you were here..
If only...

Don't Take My Memories Away!

Take away everything from me..
but let the memories live in me...
I'm nothing without what I know and feel..
nothing without the memories...

It hurts sometimes,
when it comes uninvited..
but still I'll trade everything
to keep them with me...

All the days gone by..
All that I have left behind..
All those who left me behind..
They are all there..
still living and breathing..
in those memories...

The past may not be the best company..
but they get me through my today..
Take everything away from me..
but don't take my memories away...

लौट आएँगी बहारें

जब तक न कोई आगे बढ़े
चलते नहीं कदम हमारे
जब तक न कोई आवाज़ दे
गूंजते नहीं कही से नारे

गिर जाए गर राह में कोई
हो जाते है सभी किनारे
थी वो कौन सी दुनिया जहाँ
मिल जाते थे कभी सहारे?

दिल भी अब दिखावा ही समझे
समझे न ये प्यार के इशारे
अधूरा वक़्त है, अधूरे एहसास
रिश्तों को कैसे कोई सवारे?

है उम्मीद फिर भी कही न कही
लौट आएँगी फिर से बहारें
जब मन ही मन ये दुनिया सारी
उस रूठे मौसम को पुकारे

फ़रमान (a tribute to doordarshan series)

रखी थी कभी कही पे हमने..
अपने बचपन की यादों की नींव..
सुन्ना-सुनाना उस नीम के छाव में..
कुछ कहनियाँ, कुछ किस्से अजीब...

बेख़बर, बेपरवाह थे हम लोग
करते थे सारे जहाँ की बातें
वो मालगुड़ी के गलियों में खेलना
वो पचपन खम्बे, लाल दीवारें

नजाने क्यूँ आज यूही बैठे-बैठे..
भर रहा है दिल यादों की उड़ान..
शायद कही किसी गली-नुक्कड़ में..
छोड़ आया हुं मैं अपनी पहचान...

लगता था मिलेंगे कभी सपनों की..
ज़मीन और हक़ीक़त का आसमाँ..
है ख़बर की वो क्षितिज ये नहीं..
अभी है बाक़ी और भी इम्तिहाँ...

महसूस...

कई बार किया है महसूस हमने..
इस दिल का हर दर्द सह जाना..
कई ख़्वाबों का सिकुड़ जाना और..
खुशी का आते-आते रह जाना...

सोचना की शायद मुमकिन है सब कुछ
और बस सोचते ही रह जाना...
जिनके सहारे कभी चले थे मीलों
उन हाथों को खोजते ही रह जाना...

बरसों का सफर कुछ लम्हों में तय करना
कभी वक़्त का यूँ गुजर जाना
लगा था मिट चुका है जिसका निशाँ
उस चहरे का यूँ नज़र आना

था यकीन की भर गए है ज़ख्म मगर
उन यादों का दस्तक दे जाना...
टूटे ख़्वाबों के शाखों से खेलना और
तन्हाई में गिर के बह जाना

हाँ, किया है महसूस कई बार हमने
एक उम्र का पल में मर जाना
न दूर रहना, न साथ होना किसी का
ख़ुद ही को यूँ तन्हा कर जाना

MY THOUGHTS... MY LIFE...

my thoughts are troubled

my thoughts are weary

my thoughts sometimes get the better of me

It's not that I'm not 

used to being alone

sometimes it gets just too lonely

Most days I'm not alone 

Most days anyone's ever gone

But some days I wake up alone

With a voice that's never gone

Some days I'm doing fine alone

Doesn't matter who's home or gone

But when the night finds me all alone

My thoughts tell me they are never gone

When even in a crowd I feel alone

What difference it makes who's there or gone?

Finding strength in numbers alone

A comfort that goes when the numbers' gone

my life is good

my life is blessed

my life knows just what to expect of me

It's not that I'm not 

thankful enough but

sometimes it gets just too crappy

Most days I'm doing fine

Most days I'm standing in a line

But some days I pay a heavy fine

When life throws me out of line

Some days I act and say I'm fine

Even when I don't mean the line

Why bother when things are going fine

And say things which may cross the line?

So, I wear a mask so thin and fine

Can hardly see any crack or line

Just a pretense is how I would define

My life that's nothing more than an outline